Am I transgender?

A question I get asked all the time over email and during interviews with the press goes along the lines of the very simple ‘am I transgender? What next?’

I think that if a person is asking themselves if they are transgender in the first place then that means they are at least feeling a bit uncomfortable with their current gender role so the answer to this question is yes. The word ‘transgender’ is a bit of a catch all word to describe anybody who feels that there is a difference between how you experience your own gender and how everybody else perceives your gender to be. If gender is a wide panorama of possibilities rather than the restrictive, over simplifying male or female boxes people would have you believe, then transgender or gender variant can be used as terms to describe a heck of a lot of people.

If the answer to ‘am I transgender?’ is yes, it’s important that you know that this can mean almost anything you want, but most importantly, it doesn’t mean you have to do anything. Identifying as a transgender person doesn’t mean you will be forced to do something you don’t feel comfortable with, you don’t have to have surgery, you won’t even be forced into transitioning by some trans ninja mafia or something. Although these steps often help people who feel uncomfortable with their gender, there are no rules to being trans.

One of the things that I struggled to understand for years was that my experience of being trans didn’t fit the stereotype ‘trapped in the wrong body’ narrative, I just knew that the people I met everyday perceived me as male yet I knew that was wrong. Realising that I didn’t have to force my gender expression to fit into somebody else’s jelly mould was the one magic lesson which finally brought me some peace. Speaking to other gender variant people helped me come to this realisation, hearing their wide and varied stories about how they experienced and lived their individual gender showed me how we all must dance to the beat of our own drums if we ever want to be happy in our own skin.

If the answer to ‘am I trans? is yes then it’s also important to mention how for some, this means a long and difficult journey ahead. For the people who’s internal gender is so different to their external bodies that they will need to come out to their family and friends, transition and deal with all the challenges it brings. Transition is a period of time we talk about when somebody begins change their external gender expression, for me this meant that I changed my name and started to live my life as female. Transition is another open-ended term, for some this is a set period of time after which they will have finished and moved on to another state, but others believe that life is one big transition and the lines are a bit too blurry to say where one gender ends and the other starts.

If you think you are transgender you will need to help yourself though, I won’t sugar coat it, life is tough at times and there will be setbacks in the future. You’ll have a better chance of being happy if you reach out to other trans people, speak to people on the internet or even better, find a local support group where you can meet and chat with people who have similar experiences, working out who I’m not was far more important for me than working out who I am, if that makes sense. Speaking to a specialist gender identity doctor might be the next step, in the UK that will probably mean first asking to your GP for a referral to the NHS Gender Identity Clinic or if you can afford it, getting a private appointment with a specialist.

Gendered Intelligence have a great resource section if you would like to read more.

Please add your own links in the comments and I’ll edit them into this article over the coming days!

 

14 thoughts on “Am I transgender?

  1. Last winter someone on a forum I frequent did one of those mail order DNA tests then shared the results. My kid was beside me as I read it and got really excited when the first result showed the man was male. Zie immediately asked me if we could get that test. It took me a few seconds to realize what zie was asking and I immediately explained it showed what chromosomes you have and not your gender identity. Zie came out as bigender this summer.

    • i think, if you like someone, it suolhdn’t matter if that person is male or female or transgender or whatever. if you like this person, go for it! don’t limit yourself by thinking i’m gay so i can’t date a guy or stuff like that after all, you could miss the chance to be with a really great person, who knows? does it really matter which body this person was born into?i’ve been trying to sort of put a label on myself and figure out what my actual orientation is for some time after all, i thought it feels more comfortable to be able to say i’m gay or i’m bi or i’m straight instead of thinking i don’t know what i am . i still have no idea, but now i think it doesn’t really matter. i’m just the way i am i hope you’ll find out what feels right for you!best wishes,honig

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  2. I dont have the same stereotyped emotions either. Im still quite early on my journey, and at 46 I feel sometimes like I’ve left it too late. I’m depressed often and some of the things that are still masculine about me I despise (when I shouldnt) and think (Am I really transgender?)

    This has helped me enormously to make a little sense of that.

    x

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