Dear Mr. Summerskill,

I would like to congratulate you for the amazing amount of work that you and Stonewall have done for the LGB movement over the years. As a charity you have really pushed forward the acceptance of gay rights and when I was a teenage boy, having just slept with a man for the first time and questioning my identity, Stonewall was one of the first places I found that was supportive and informative and helped me a great deal. When I was at school I was a bit of an efeminate child and was often bullied by the more ‘cool’ people in the playground, learning to come to terms with my sexuality reminded me of the vulnerableness that I experienced at the hands of schoolyard bullies and Stonewall was to me a beacon of light, giving me hope that things can get better.

As I grew up and came to terms with my identity more I realised that I was not a gay or bisexual man but a trans woman and in the course of my research found out a wealth of internet resources about transsexual issues, lots of small organisations gave me confort, hope and support and naturally I assumed that Stonewall would be just as supportive. It was only when I started to meet and talk with other trans people that I learnt how Stonewall define themselves only as a lesbian, gay and bisexual charity, missing out the ‘T’ on the end of LGBT.

I did some research on the 1969 Stonewall riots in New York and found out how the gay community were standing up for their rights after years of opression and how these riots actually included a sizeable number of drag queens, representatives of a newly self-aware transgender community. I’ve spoken to representatives of your charity and have been told that Stonewall have spoken to some members of the trans community and have decided only to focus on the LGB aspect.

By you not including the ‘T’ feels very exclusionary, it kinda reminds me of being in the school playground again, different hierachies of ‘opressed’ people unwilling to help each other out and unite against a common goal. It feels like trans people are not worthy of support, and I shouldn’t have to remind you that there are a great number of gay, lesbian and bisexual people who also happen to be trans. By not including the’T’ it feels like there is an attempt to erase trans people from issues that are just as central to us as they are to people who are LGB.

I notice that the ‘big’ American gay charities such as GLAAD are inclusive of the trans community, recognising that we are a small number and could do with some support. Stonewall is the largest and most well known LGB organisation in the UK and although I’m not asking you to drastically change your focus and policies, I am just asking for a bit of support. We are all fighting for common goals, we are all human beings facing discrimination, demanding equality and gaining acceptance, I think it is time for some changes, I think it is time that Stonewall comes out in support of transgender people.

Yours in hope,

Sarah Savage.

Dear holders of gas supply and guardians of my warmth and cleanliness,

I write to you in a rather dirty and slightly cold, frustrated state so please excuse my unabashed sarcasm but the events of this afternoon have truly shattered my faith in commerce, capitalism and humanity itself. Little less than 24 hours ago I noticed that my warm and cosy apartment with all it’s lovely hot water and heating was getting a little bit nippy so as I turned the heating up a notch or two I decided to check how much credit I had on my meter. I noticed to my disappointment that I was running low so I dutifully rushed out into the cold night to my local approved top-up pay point. All was going as normal at this point and I expected soon to be relaxing in a nice warm bath, heating up a little bit and relaxing on my sofa for the rest of the evening. I was absolutely crestfallen when, to my utter shock I inserted my gas card into my gas meter and the display read “FAIL”. Just FAIL. No more hot bath for me that evening, no more turning the heating up any notches, just FAIL.

 
Not to worry, I thought to myself, I could just go without a bath that evening and I could always snuggle up underneath a duvet until I could get this situation fixed, it can’t be that hard, can it? I mean, I had been a customer of British Gas since I had moved into my current residence and had not had a problem with what I assumed was a British bastion of customer care, especially after seeing all those heartwarming cartoon adverts on the television. I had kind of hoped for one of those levitating vans to rush to my aid, a saluting man wearing his cap at a jaunty angle ready to jump out of the door, a whole team of people all working together behind the scenes to restore my hot water and heating.

 
Unfortunately none of this has happened, no jaunty caps, no levitating vans and only seemingly clueless people in call centres somewhere, who’s unwillingness to help is only surpassed by Maggie Thatcher’s stoic defense of the Falkland Islands more than three decades ago. I have spent more than four hours this afternoon battling with voices on the end of my telephone, every single one of them seemingly attempting to surpass the one before in their attempts to pass the buck and wash their hands of me and my problem. Not one person that I spoke to even got close to resolving my problem, instead tried to foist me onto another call centre operative.

 
I was informed (if your staff are to be believed, that is) that despite having signed up for British Gas’s rather reasonably priced Dual Fuel tariff months and months ago when I first moved into my seafront apartment, somehow, sometime in February and without my knowledge or consent it would seem that my gas account had been migrated to NPower. At this point my levels of frustration were rising almost as quickly as my hot water would have risen up the side of my bath, which is not that quickly if I’m honest but that’s another matter entirely. The person I spoke to at NPower listened to my list of tribulations and dutifully ignored everything I had said and checked their system, informing me that I have never been a customer of NPower. No surprise, Sherlock. A far as I knew, my energy supplier was British Gas.

 
So I called up British Gas once again, this time a little more insistent that I am in fact was a customer of theirs only to be hung up on. My frustration levels were now exceeding that of a thermometer plunged into boiling metal. Please forgive my heat analogies but I am rather cold right now. The third time I spoke to one of your call centre people they just insisted that I was not a gas customer and there was nothing that they could do and once again, I was transferred to NPower. Guess what? I went through exactly the same rigmarole with NPower that I was subjected to in the paragraph preceding this one. This time though, the helpful lady at the end of the phone put me onto a company who would definitively tell me who my gas supplier is, one can only imagine delight at the prospect of a final resolution to my troubles as I dialled the number into my phone with a slightly grubby fingernail. Unfortunately, these people shattered that hope of a light at the end of the tunnel like a great mound of warm horse dung being dumped on a flickering candle when they told me that, according to their records, my property doesn’t have a gas meter!

 
So here i sit, frustrated, dishevelled and shivering slightly, I have spent four hours this afternoon trying to get my gas meter fixed and all I have got is the run-around from numerous people and I am still left with a few questions running through my mind. Why did British Gas discontinue my gas account without my consent? Why do British Gas think that NPower are my suppliers? Why does this mythical ‘knower of gas meters’ think that I don’t even have a meter? I can assure you that I most definitely have had a gas meter since I moved in and have been paying to put credit on to it, so where has this money been going to? Why is nobody coming to fix my meter? And why am I still sitting here cold and dirty?

 
Please help,
Sarah.

Little over eighteen months ago I was still living as a male, I was broke, living in my car and at the bottom of a deep dark hole. In the years leading up to this point I had become extremely depressed, I had self harmed since I was a young teenager, struggled with alcohol and drug abuse, pulled away from my friends and have even attempted suicide in the past. I was addicted to escapism, anything to stop the incredible sense of dread I felt from having to live as someone who I was not. I knew I did not have the strength to begin transition on my home island of Jersey so when a stranger I’d met on an internet chat room asked me to come and live with her I grabbed the opportunity with both hands, I was desperate. When I arrived at her house it quickly became clear she had not been honest with me and she had her own problems with alcohol. My lowest point was having to return to Jersey, knowing I was effectively turning my back on transitioning but I knew more than anything that I could not go back to my old ways of escapism.

I honestly didn’t care if I lived or died, living a lie was slowly but surely killing me. If you had been able to see statistics for trans people’s mental health I wouldn’t have registered on them because the medical establishment didn’t see me as ‘trans’ anything, they saw me as a male. I had asked my local health authority for help with transitioning and was fobbed off, given a prescription for some happy pills and told that the reason I wanted to transition was because I was depressed and I just needed to keep my mind occupied on something else.
My experiences are not unique, a recent study undertaken by the Transgender Equality Network Ireland (www.teni.ie) showed that 44% of trans respondents had self harmed and 40% had attempted suicide in their life while almost 4/5ths had thought about ending their life. This compares with 4% of attempted suicides in heterosexual, cis-gendered people. (http://www.livescience.com/13755-homosexual-lgb-teen-suicide-rates-environments.html )
The pressure that comes with being transgendered is huge. I have lost friends and family because I decided that my only other option other than death was to transition, I gave up my home, my job and every day that I leave my flat I take the chance of being abused by some bigoted member of society who does not understand why I have to live like I do. With the sheer amount of social stigma surrounding us, it’s no wonder that so many trans folk suffer from mental health problems, the deck is stacked against us. Added to this is the fact that the medical community still doesn’t fully understand what causes Gender Identity issues. The World Health Organisation still describes being transgendered as a mental illness despite studies showing otherwise.

What the medical establishment failed to see was that my depression was a symptom of being transsexual, not the cause. This is of huge importance for the trans community, if we can get doctors to understand that a trans persons mental health if far more likely to improve during and after confronting and solving their gender identity issues then treatment for us can only get better.
The more I tried to live as a male, the worse my mental health became. Since I have started my transition, started being true to myself and gaining acceptance from my friends and society as female my mental heath has improved significantly, I feel happier, more complete and able to see myself as a valid member of society. Don’t get me wrong, I still have ‘down’ days and know enough about depression and mental health illnesses that my road to recovery will not happen overnight but for the first time in a very long time I have a positive view for the future.
Over the years I have learnt coping strategies to help deal with the mental health problems that I have faced. Keeping a good circle of friends around me has helped no end, they have been there for me through thick and thin, some of them I’ve never even met as we correspond via internet and phone but I feel support from them nonetheless. Keeping physically active has also helped, it’s such a clichéd thing to say to someone with depression but sometimes for me getting out of the house for a good walk with nature has lifted my spirits and put things in perspective, even when I’ve forced myself into it. The thing that has made the biggest difference is simply confronting and dealing with my gender identity issues, I’m not saying it’s a magical ‘fix all’ but by no longer ignoring the elephant in the room my mind is clearer and I am more able to cope with what life throws at me.

This post was originally published on Max Zachs site.

There is nothing more I can say about the tragic death of Lucy Meadows that hasn’t already been said and all I can do is offer my heartfelt condolences to all of her family, friends, colleagues and students. I hope they can take comfort from the sheer number of people who have expressed their sadness and have offered their sympathies.

This past week has been extremely tough on the trans communities mental health. Never before have I seen such a spontaneous outpouring of grief, shock and anger. As a community it is well documented how we are more likely to suffer mental health problems and this definitely seems to be the case with Lucy. This is a fact that very few people outside of the trans world seem to understand and simply don’t take into consideration. I know that the cause of her death has not been confirmed but it is known that she had written about just how much pressure the press monstering had caused her in the months since her forced outing.

I feel that one of the main reasons this has upset trans folk so much is that, as the rules stand at the moment, any one of us could be next. Lucy never asked for the press attention she received, in fact from the outset she asked for her privacy to be respected and the only reason an editor in an office somewhere decided that her transition was ‘newsworthy’ was because of her profession and it’s not like her job was in the public eye. Ignoring the fact that lots of other trans people already worked as school teachers these editors pursued, harassed and tore into a woman who was just trying to live her life as best as she could and be happy. There is no one person to blame though, virtually every single member of the press are equally at fault for fostering this attitude that trans people are soft targets to get easy publicity and make a quick buck from, there are few among them who would have acted differently.

And If they can do that to her, what’s to stop them doing it to you next?

The way things stand there is nothing you can do and nobody with the power to stop this from happening again.

It is up to us, trans people and our allies to stop this right now. It is our responsibility to protect the vulnerable and the innocent, we absolutely must make people take notice. This cannot happen again.

Jane Fae has suggested some ways forward and I rather agree with the put pressure on advertisers idea. If we can all let our feelings known to the advertisers then maybe they will see the hurt and upset they contribute to, maybe they can help us to stop this from repeating. It is up to all of us to come up with a solution and in my opinion the best approach is a multi pronged defence, challenging transphobia on every level, helping people to understand why it is so important that our problems are listened to and taken seriously. In spite of all our differences we all suffer from common predujice and share common goals, as a group of humans trans people and our allies are both incredibly diverse and talented so we must all pull together for the greater good. We can succeed.

There is a vigil outside the Daily Mail’s headquarters planned for tomorrow, Monday 25th March at 6:30 PM. Northcliffe House, 2 Derry Street, Kensington, London W8 5TT.

Also two petitions in support of Lucy Meadows, Change.org (19,000 signatures) andSumofus (Almost 100,000 signatures)

There has been a lot of debate these last 24 hours about the aims of the Vigil against Transphobia on Thursday. First off, it’s a vigil, not a braying mob demanding unachievable things.

I want a palpable change in the way trans people are represented in the press and media. I want an actual commitment from leading members of the media agreeing that they will never again publish transphobic views. I want the media to stop devaluing and undermining trans people. I want them to recognise that publishing negative and transphobic articles translates into how we are treated by members of the public and sometimes this leads to physical violence against people who do not fit within the gender binary. Things have to change and they have to change sooner rather than later.

I am tired. Tired of over and over again reading about a trans person being dragged through the national press, just because they face no other choice than to transition and try and live their life as best they can. Someone transitioning is not news, no matter what their job or role in life is, thousands of people do it and I just don’t see why the press sees fit to spread mis-information about them. They publish ‘before and after’ photos, birth names, imply that their chosen gender is not ‘true’. They complain about the cost to the taxpayer when the reality is that a lifetime of denying ones own identity and all the emotional and physical strain that comes with it is an even bigger cost to mental health services and society as a whole. The media ignores the discriminatory way the medical profession often treats trans folk, ask yourself why there has been no coverage of the #TransDocFail debate? Because the press couldn’t care less about trans people unless they can use us as a ‘look at this weirdo’ type story. I want the press to take us seriously.

20 years ago gay peoples identities were undermined by the press, their orientation was said to be a choice rather than just who they are, in almost the exact same way the media is treating trans folk today. Gay people fought for acceptance and better representation, these days exposés ‘outing’ a gay person is a thing of the past, you would never read an article in the mainstream press implying that a gay person is a pervert, a deviant or flat out denying their existence, and precisely this is what I want for trans people.

It’s not like I’m asking for much is it?

The reason I have had enough is not all to do with that horrible piece written by Julie Birchill, it’s the idea that the media seems to have, that trans people are there to be derided and ridiculed. You can’t publish an article about gay people and call them “faggots”. You can’t publish an article about black people and call them “niggers”. But apparently it’s ok to publish an article about trans people and call them “shemales” and “shims”. Apparently it’s ok to try and subvert a trans persons identity by referring to them with the wrong pronoun, use their birth name instead of the one written on their Deed Poll.

This has to stop. Now. As I was reading *that* article I remember thinking to myself in absolute shock at how the hell an editor could have ever allowed this to go onto his website. It should never have even happened.

Unfortunately, this is not the first time that the Guardian Media Group has published a transphobic article, and on each occasion the issue has been addressed with a rebuttal from a trans commentator, and then swiftly brushed beneath the carpet. What we are seeking to achieve in protesting outside their offices is to ensure that the editors take the issue of transphobia as seriously as they would any other form of prejudice, and to make a proper commitment to keeping transphobic articles out of their publications for good. An unreserved apology is the absolute minimum that we deserve.

I will be attending a protest on Thursday 17th January at the Guardians offices, Kings Place, 90 York Way, London, N1 9GU at 4:30PM. I want to peacefully and calmly make my voice heard and then go home and hope that I have helped to make a positive difference to the way trans people are represented in the media, and if you feel the same and want to help, please come along and show your support.

I have just read this statement from John Mulholland, editor of The Observer:

“We have decided to withdraw from publication the Julie Burchill comment piece ‘Transsexuals should cut it out’. The piece was an attempt to explore contentious issues within what had become a highly-charged debate. The Observer is a paper which prides itself on ventilating difficult debates and airing challenging views. On this occasion we got it wrong and in light of the hurt and offence caused I apologise and have made the decision to withdraw the piece. The Observer Readers’ Editor will report on these issues at greater length.”

My immediate reaction to this is that it still falls short. If the article was about black people, gay people or disabled people she would have been arrested. How could they ever imagine that writing such awful words was “exploring contentious issues”? This was a deliberate attack on a minority.

EDIT 21:45: I’m hurt by the article and as much as I want to pack a punch as it were, I think the respectful and dignified course of action would be by holding a vigil-type protest and read the list of names of trans people who have been murdered around the world from Transgender Day of Remembrance. We want to bring attention to how transphobic words in the press translate to transphobic abuse from society, aimed at people who just want to live their lives without discrimination.

“White lies are minor lies which could be considered to be harmless, or even beneficial, in the long term. White lies are also considered to be used for greater good. A common version of a white lie is to tell only part of the truth, therefore not be suspected of lying, yet also conceal something else, to avoid awkward questions.” (Wikipedia)

A heavily pregnant lady stumbles in to an Accident and Emergency department one rainy evening. She is obviously in pain, bent over with her face contorted she shouts for help, falling to her knees. Two doctors run over to her and help her onto a wheel chair and hurriedly push her through the door towards the treatment rooms, they ask her name and date of birth and she starts to feel like things will be OK. The next few questions make her feel uneasy though.

“Have you seen a psychiatrist about being pregnant? Have they certified you mentally able to give birth? Have you managed to keep a job to prove that you can function in society as a mother? You do know that pregnant people should act in a certain manner, and for you to act any other way will result in your treatment being withdrawn? Oh, and we can’t give you any help for a few months because our workload is so high, and even then there is a high chance your appointment will be cancelled at short notice.”

Doesn’t sound right does it? Yet this is how many trans people are treated today.

The recent hashtag, #TransDocFail on Twitter started out as a way of pointing out how the recent media coverage of Dr. Richard Curtis is so warped. The media couldn’t care less about the hundreds of stories from trans people being mistreated, degraded and humiliated by members of the medical profession, but as soon as a doctor who has helped thousands of transsexuals appears to be in trouble before the GMC, all over the newspapers and internet transphobic journalists jump on the story.

One of the things #TransDocFail eventually succeeded in doing though, is showing how trans folk are scared of their doctors. Scared that if they tell the doctors certain things their treatment will be withheld, scared that if they present as anything other than a non-binary male or female the ‘experts’ will judge them and hold up the process of getting hormones or surgery. Scared of having to out themselves in any medical situation and having the ‘professionals’ mistreat or even refuse to treat them.

I lied to the specialist at the Gender Identity Clinic. It was only a white lie though and it wasn’t anything major, does that make it OK? I had spent 18 months living as female, on the waiting list for a first appointment for a large amount of that time, my life felt like it was in limbo, waiting for a doctor to tell me what I already knew, waiting for for the Gatekeepers of the Hormones to catch up with me. I wasn’t going to make the process any more complicated than it needed to be. I’d heard firsthand the stories about trans people being refused treatment because they hadn’t jumped through the hoops required. I wasn’t going to risk that.

Bottom line is, I didn’t trust my doctor to help me unless I mislead him.

It goes deeper than Gender Specialists though, reading through the #TransDocFail conversation shows that GP’s, A+E doctors and virtually every other member of the medical community are just as likely to discriminate against trans folk.

So come on then, journalists and members of the media, I challenge you to publish a story about how a trans person has been badly treated by a doctor, I want to open up my favourite news site and read about a trans someone fighting for the treatment they need, I want you to expose how a person who happens to be transsexual  is being mistreated by the medical community. If you see fit to pillory a doctor for failing to live up to standards, why not pick one who hasn’t been an asset to our community?

Coming up to Christmas and it’s been a very long time since I’ve updated this blog, I decided to take a step back for a while and then the server company exploded so I lost all the blogs I’d written.

This past 12 months have been the most extraordinary of my life, the ups have been so high I’ve found myself looking back in disbelief at the wonderful things that have happened. The lows have sunk to new depths though, I’ve spent 9 arduous months in a Women’s Refuge, due to a previous relationship. November last year I was homeless, my private life was in turmoil and at the same time my face was being broadcast to millions. I was incredibly torn between watching my personal life falling to bits in front of my eyes, yet at the same time thrust in to the public eye. If it wasn’t for the incredible support I received from Rise, the charity that run some Refuges in Brighton, this year may well have turned out very different. I couldn’t tell people that I even lived in a Refuge, couldn’t have visitors and I found this very difficult to cope with. If you have a spare pound or two, please donate to Rise as they have helped me no end.

There were huge positives for me from that experience though, last Christmas day the lovely woman across the hall from my flat brought me a big dinner over, one lady having her baby was another memory I’ll not forget. Learning to live within the rules of my accommodation was something new to me and it gave me structure I’d never really had in my life before. Things aren’t going well with my family either, my staunchly religious sisters, brother and dad have all disowned me, the only contact with my mum is hushed phone calls when she manages to sneak some time alone. But, as I’m discovering with pleasure, life isn’t about living to my families wishes, it’s about being true to myself, holding dear relationships I have with friends and pursuing happiness. It’s all anyone can do, I guess.

I’ve learnt so much over the last 12 months too, patience is the most important lesson, after feeling like my life was on hold, left in limbo with my housing situation and waiting for the NHS Gender Clinic to catch up with my transition, things finally started to move in the right direction towards the end of the year. I now live in a wonderful flat right next to the sea and as of last week, the Gender Clinic approved me to start testosterone blockers and oestrogen, the best Christmas present I could have ever hoped for. I’m slowly building a life here that I can truly be happy and proud of, bit by bit it’s all coming together. Never losing sight of my goal of transitioning successfully has helped me too, it’s been the driving force behind almost everything I’ve done in the past 18 months

I’m honestly still not sure how I feel about opening up my life to television cameras, some days I’m overwhelmed by the positive effect it’s had on my life and people I’ve never met getting in contact to tell me how our documentary has changed their lives. Other days I just want it to all go away so I can get back to living my life how I used to, quietly with close friends. But then again, some people I now consider close friends I’d have never met without that TV experience. On the whole though, it was a very positive experience I’ll never regret the choices I made, having a voice that people actually listened to was a completely new thing for me.

2013 will be another amazing year for me, I have no idea what I have planned but I kinda like it that way…

Merry Kissmas and a happy new year to everybody!

As I mentioned in my first ever Sparkle. It’s like the trans version of a gay Pride event, but more sparkley. One of the first people I met that weekend was someone called Aerie. I remembered mostly her brightly coloured hair and her cider drinking, potty mouth. At over 6 foot tall in heels Aerie liked to stand out. I got to know her that weekend and shared a ride back home with Bobby and was struck by how quiet this person became. Maybe it was the hangover, maybe it was because Aerie was how Bobby preferred to express herself, either way, I’d already decided that I thought this person was pretty cool.

Over the next few months Aerie came up in conversation a few times and in person once or twice and I learned a bit more about how he lived his life. He came from a rough part of Cardiff and his family, by all accounts, had a reputation for being typical rowdy Welshmen. Bobby was different. Bobby was also Aerie. Unlike most other transvestites, he was open to his family about his weekend hobby. I was once told a story that when Bobby told his family that he liked to dress as female occasionally his brothers told him “that’s OK, just don’t do it round here because we’ll have to get into fights defending you.” Even Bob’s Facebook page bore both his male and female name, Aerie wasn’t ashamed of who he was. Why can’t more people be like you, Aerie?

Aerie was liked by almost everyone she met, reading through the comments people left after hearing of the sad news, a theme emerged; ‘I’ve only met you a few times and wish I’d have got to know you more’. Aerie left an impression in so many peoples lives. I have a huge amount of admiration and respect for the way Aerie lived, at a time in my life when I was just starting to come out, here was someone who lived with the openness I wanted for my life. We shared a love for swearing too much, drinking too much and we shared some demons too.

When I think of Aerie I will always remember that weekend in Manchester, and like others, I wish I’d have had the chance to get to know her more. I hope that in death he finds the peace he was looking for, he will be very sorely missed by very many people.