My Drunk Miss Transgender UK BBC Three Review

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The show opens with a shot of woman’s naked body, covered by just a sparkly thong and nipple pasties followed by a plinky-plonky woe is me speech from someone who isn’t feeling confident. How original. Trans women are sex objects and we hate ourselves. It’s 15 seconds into this documentary and because of the rules of Transgender-On-TV-Trope Bingo, (snappy title, huh?) I have to down a shot of vodka and two fingers of Czech beer. (See below if you wanna play along too)

Next up, there’s a shot of a trans woman doing her makeup. I check the bingo card, a shot of whiskey it is then. The next shot is literally trans women fighting, I pick the “wildcard” in the centre and down more whiskey as the melodramatic voiceover lady says

“But they’re not just fighting for first place, they’re battling to be accepted for the women they were born to be.” For fucks sake, I’ve gotta down a whole glass of beer now! I’m sick a little in my mouth but it’s ok, I swallowed it! Nobody need ever know! Hic.

The plinky plonky music has carried on for more than 5 minutes, which means more vodka. It doesn’t go down very well and I feel my stomach contracting and I fight with all my might not to make a mess of the rug in my living room.

Nine minutes in and the trans women are sex workers trope comes up and I begin to seriously question my life choices. Whiskey again. Courtney is a recovering addict and wants to raise awareness about how trans women can get trapped in the sex industry. I fucking love her, fuck yes! Ok, still a trope, but power to you, girl! On another note, my tummy has made an executive decision to not have any more alcohol for at least the next ten minutes, we’re 8 minutes in and at this rate, I’ll either run out of alcohol or die from alcohol poisoning. And I’m not even being dramatic.

I’ve had to pause the video because I can’t type and watch TV at the same time, I’m kinda squinting with one eye, focusing on typing this, thank His Noodly Appendages for squiggly red line spell checker!

I throw one of my cats stuffed mice at the TV as Jai is misgendered, made out to be an attention seeker and called a tra**y to her face by her ex boyfriend, I swear loud enough for Bruce (my cat) to jump awake and bang his head on the heater. We’re 16 minutes in and I well up for Jai.

The next scene jolts me to my senses, the regional heats. Another itsy-bitsy bikini-clad body dances up and down a stage in front of a panel of judges, I wonder if they marked the girl down because she was wearing a bra and not nipple pasties? What rules do these masters of the trans universe judges have? I bet it’s like ‘theme tune must be sexy plinky plonky music’ or bonus points for sexy air humping. Also, the venue they’re holding it in looks tacky as fuck.

It’s at this point I very nearly noped the fuck out but decide to bravely press on. It’s a shitty job but someone’s gotta do it. Half an hour in and we have Kellie Maloney on t’BBC going on about how this transgender beauty pageant isn’t just about looks. Err, do you think I’m fucking stupid or something, love? We’re thirty minutes in and we’ve already seen more naked, writhing flesh than the average teenage boys weekly porn consumption!

Courtney is also on live TV and brings up how some young trans girls are sucked into sex work, she says not enough is done to help these women. She’s fucking wonderful. When news of this reaches the pageant there is uproar! Crikey! There are candid cam shots of people slut shaming her. WTF. Real life facts are that some trans people are reluctantly trapped in sex work and that is hell for them, I’m not saying that’s true for all trans sex workers but we need to acknowledge this problem for some.

I’m not even going to get into the fight scene. WTAF… Courtney is talking about how she hoped to use the prize money to escape sex work. We’re literally watching the exploitation of trans women on national fucking television. ‘As long as you’re a beautiful enough, trans enough, privileged enough woman, we’ll use your desperation to sell an entertainment show to the BBC!’

It’s not just manipulation of sex workers though, the organisers are offering a grand prize of a vagina! Yes you read that right, the winner of this competition will get free lower surgery with some unheard of quack doctor in India! I heard the perfect analogy a few weeks back, imagine if there was a Miss Cancer UK and the prettiest cancer patient gets free private chemo? Why the fuck is this shit on my telly? What has gone wrong at BBC Three where they think that this is an acceptable piece of television? I can imagine the conversation in the BBC director general’s office, ‘here’s a lovely big carrot you nasty little trans women, now dance motherfuckers, dance!’

These women are being exploited. This show is being dressed up as sympathetic to trans women but it is thinly veiled transphobia. The BBC have endorsed this.

I wanted this blog to be about a happy, tipsy, piss taking type thing but it’s just made me angry. There’s this big ‘you’re not trans enough’ argument that breaks out at the end and I can’t even be arsed writing about how stupid that is.

I wrote this not to attack the people who took part in this show, telling your stories on television is a courageous thing to do and I admire you for it, pageants aren’t my thing but fair play.

I wrote this to point out how stupid the very idea of having a panel of judges giving trans women marks out of ten on how womanly or sexy she is. You can blab on however much you like about wanting to raise awareness and shit but when you have nearly naked trans women parading around for a baying crowd in the hopes of being publicly acknowledged as trans enough to win surgery, your argument means jack shit. The sponsors, organisers and the BBC literally have manipulated vulnerable trans women into brawling on TV, fighting for surgery.

I have to go now, I’m drunk as fuck and I think this time I’m actually going to throw up.

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Here’s my bingo card, please excuse the shittyness of my computer skills and the fact that I forgot to put the drinking rules in. I made those up and now I’m wasted. I love lamp.

25 thoughts on “My Drunk Miss Transgender UK BBC Three Review

  1. Fucking awesome! I didn’t watch it as I knew they’d screw it up in the same way if my Grandad decided to do a docudrama on the NY hip hop scene of the 80s.

    When I looked at the initial application form for the pageant it had ‘she-male’ on it. That was enough for me.

    You’ve forgotten another trope. ‘program centres on young trans kids’.

    They were never gonna get it right. Screw ’em.

  2. couple of points the cameras followed the girls and the pageant it wasnt a tv show that the girls applied to the edited version was a lot different to the actual heats.being “young “and “beautiful ” had nothing to do with the scoring. there was 6 categories and those. werent on the list . this was the 1st uk pageant not a beauty contest .
    one if the prizes was surgery which was optional and the winner could choose which surgery they would like be it facial.. breast. or re assignement ir not at all. it wasnt compulsory to take it and the choice would have been down to the winner.
    this was a documemtary. about the first pageant for Transgender women and not a talent show for tv .
    ohhh and by the i way i was one of the judges. i am female there was a mix of gender with the judges and we all took this. seriously

    • If being young and beautiful had nothing to do with scoring, why did only young, beautiful women win? There is no difference between a beauty contest and a pageant, they’re both as misogynistic and demeaning as each other.

      I don’t care what the gender of the judges were, you are complicit in the exploitation of trans women. They are desperate for affirmation as female, they are desperate for the prize money/surgery and they have been manipulated into parading in front of judges and fighting between themselves.

  3. Sarah as a contestant in this years. MTUK Pageant 2016 im shocked at what you have posted about it, apart from the odd one or two girls in the pageant who yes were total bitches the rest are absolutely fabulous, as for the half naked girls they were putting on a show for their talent spot in the pageant and they looked stunning so before you start slamming MTUK lets see you take part.
    big hugs girl
    Sandy Collins x

    • See, I think you’ve misunderstood what I’ve written. I’m not attacking the people taking part, (unlike you) but attacking the concept of a transgender beauty pageant…

      I would take part but the judges would probably mark me down for supporting sex workers rights and vomiting over my dress.

  4. I think it is time you stopped drinking, yes, really. You did however make some valid points but your style of writing is vitriolic and I think that these girls have had enough of that in their lives. Find a way of putting your point of view out there without this babbling.

      • I didn’t say you did but the whole ethos of your article was discouraging and these girls live in a world already very disapproving.

  5. I agree with Lorraine, this could have been written in a more supportive manner, to me it smacked of a ‘poor me’ outpouring,
    I also note that the sex worker comments weren’t tempered by comparison with cis women who find themselves living comparab lives.a
    This was the first UK event of its kind and I’m sure many lessons have been learned.
    Rachael was very brave to have done this and has taken a lot of stick though tempered by many messages of support and compliments.
    It doesn’t matter where events are held, choices are often based on availability and budget, this is grass roots stuff not Hollywood !!
    Here’s to 2016 and beyond.

    • Poor me? Erm, how? Well poor me and my hangover, yes.

      “the sex worker comments weren’t tempered by comparison with cis women who find themselves living comparab lives” This was a tv show about trans women, why should I have to talk about cis people?

  6. the choice of clothing was up to the contestants NOT as part of rules
    we couldnt judge on looks or age. as it wasnt part of the. judging
    they were chosing on the marks they were giving on each section and added up .
    part of it was their story and what they have done to help the transgender community .
    i found the documentary very interesting just a pity it didnt show more and that the company chose to edit what they did .

  7. one more thing and i say again
    this was NOT. a tv show. it was a documentary that was edited by the producers
    the pageant was over several.momths with different heats and certain criteria that all the girls went into wholeheartedly ..

  8. The whole competition was bullshit before the BBC got anywhere near it. They just sniffed out the obvious stuff and put it together to make a programme.
    Didn’t know Kellie Maloney was involved, although as she seems to have become the go-to spokesperson for any and all Trans Women Issues™ I shouldn’t have been surprised.

    But then, I’m torn in how I feel about the event in principle.
    Part of me thinks, ergh, a beauty contest, what is this, the fucking seventies? Get in the sea!
    But then, for most if not all contestants, just the chance of entering the contest might have been something they dreamed of doing as children but would never had an opportunity to do as their old selves. So why not take that shot, as vapid and trite though the contest is?

  9. This ‘pageant’ pandered to “the socially sanctioned right of all males to sexualise all females, regardless of age or status”, sticking up 2 fingers at the endeavours of feminists to overcome this.

    Thereby it was practically inviting trans womankind to be ‘othered’ by gifting the exclusionary feminists a golden opportunity to say ‘see, they’re not womyn because they’re prostituting themselves on the altar of misogyny and no womyn would do that’ …. and unfortunately except for some exceptionally clueless reality TV wannabes they’d probably be right these days.

    In my opinion there’s nothing ‘brave’ or even self-respecting in this putrid resurrected corpse of a misogynistic object show. To say it is for ‘the trans community’ is a diversionary manipulation. Not in my name! For the organisers and the contestants it truly is about them, especially them and not forgetting them.

    If they want to repeat their mistake in 2016 then I think we should hold their feet to the fire and make Sarah’s satirical review of 2015 seem like a comfortable pair of slippers in comparison.

  10. Sorry, your article panders to the extremely poor emission by the BBC… This program was a fraud… Yes There was some upsets between some girls… But The whole concourse was not at all as shown… There where the most beautiful dresses… Most of the entrants where very well spoken, intelligent… AND Could have made good ambassadors of promotion and awareness of Transgender Persons…
    Rachael Bailey the promoter and financer of the concourse, did an excellent job…. Im sure that the 2016 concourse will be an Excellent show…
    Hopefully this time someone will make a program for television that is positively promotional for the understanding and awareness of the transgender community…

  11. She didn’t mean to offend anyone. You can quite clearly see that in what she has written. It’s about people and tv shows exploiting the contestants and making them think they are supporting them when really they would do anything for their ratings.

    I agree with what Sarah has written, drunk or not, she is entitled to her opinion.

    Hope your hangover isn’t too bad x

  12. I intended to watch this show. I have become very interested in the trans community ever since watching My Transsexual Summer. I think what Sarah has put is her honest opinion as a transgender woman – just because some people don’t agree doesn’t mean she is wrong. I haven’t any idea what it’s like to be born in the wrong body. I think if I was I may not have the courage to do anything about it. I admire people who will fight anything to be themselves. Winning a beauty pageant won’t necessarily be the answer.

  13. You should try actually meeting Rachael, psychopathic headcase who jeers up attacking people and did anyone mention she was an escort? I mean she apparently gave up but I have more sickening knowledge of her than I have the stomach to write

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