My head has been in a fuzz for weeks, it feels like I’ve felt overwhelmed by everything lately and I think I’ve figured out why. I’ve been so homesick. As I write this I’m watching 15 minute long YouTube videos in which some guy has strapped his camera on to his scooter and films himself riding it around the roads of Jersey with some crappy background music. And I’m crying my eyes out. Every landmark, every building, every road, in fact every corner is bringing back memories of some dearly loved friends. I miss them all so much.
I moved to the UK almost three years ago now and I came here for only one reason, to answer the question of whether transition was right for me. I knew all too well what the tiny island’s gossip grapevine thought of trans women and well, the grass is always greener… I used to hate making plans but I reckoned that transition would take two years, three tops, but then the thing with the cameras and the meeting of some new friends who completely changed my perspective on everything about life happened, and now I’m sitting here drying the tears from my cheeks facing a completely new reality and a stark choice. Do I go or do I stay (now)?
My sudden realisation came after about an hour of scooter guy, I can’t go home. Beyond the practicalities of where I am going to live and how to earn enough to live, I have things I want to achieve over here in the UK. Fox and I are about to release our book, Are You A Boy Or Are You A Girl? (That’s an official announcement, I guess!) Trans* Pride is something I’m immensely proud of helping create, all the other things I love doing would be be impossible to do if I have to get on a plane to make appointments, I find it hard enough to be on time as it is!
Times change and I have to accept that a permanent return to Jersey just isn’t realistic for another few years and who knows what I’ll be doing then so I’m gonna have to focus on what I want in the short to medium term. For now I need to make sure this book goes well, I need to be at my best and in an ideal world I need a holiday back home.
Very soon Fox and I will be asking you to pre-order and invest in us and our idea of a children’s book introducing a character whose gender is left for the reader to decide. We’ve decided to use the Kickstarter.com crowd funding platform and have total control over the marketing and production process so we are about to ask for your help for the initial printing costs. Details are still being finalised but I really believe the time is right for an idea like this, this will hopefully be the first in a series of books which inspires a generation of children and families to talk more about gender and what it means to each individual. I am really excited about what the next few months hold.
Tomorrow is another day.