I Didn’t Fuckin’ Choose This! (Dating)

So I have been chatting to this guy online for a while now, he is an artist, a graphical designer and seemed an all round interesting kinda guy… He had been asking me for a few weeks to meet up with me for a drink and today, I thought to myself ‘why not, what have I got to lose?’ I agreed to meet him in a pub on a busy Brighton street, somewhere I could easily slip away if it didn’t go well and I would be safe enough if he turned out to be a nutter. Now, I like to think of myself as a good judge of character, I hope I can ‘read’ people well and see the motivation behind the way they act, this weekend marks my thirtieth year on this planet and I genuinely hope I am street wise, mature enough to know when someone is playing me.

I thought that during my online chats with this guy he was interested in me as a person, the fact that I happen to be trans didn’t even factor into his attraction to me, in fact, I thought that I had gone out of my way to make sure that I wasn’t some kind of ‘fantasy shag’ to him, a box to be ticked off on his list of sexual conquests… This all flew out of the window when he said to me “I just want to explore my bi side, you’re not gonna have ‘it’ chopped off are you?”

My body is not some vessel for a random stranger to use as experimentation with. I am not something for you to satisfy your curiosity with. I am a fucking person who wants to be treated as such. If I had ANY other choice I wouldn’t be this way. I would have lived my life the way I was born and would have been happy with that. I didn’t choose to be trans. If I hadn’t have transitioned I would be dead by now, and that is not me being a drama queen, that is stone cold fact.

So as I sat alone on the bus home, my eyes leaking as I realised that this dating game is bullshit but maybe it’s just my fears manifesting themselves in other people, maybe this guy actually did like me for who I am but was just incapable of communicating with some semblance of empathy. Even so, those words cut, they cut fucking deep and, as much as I doubt it, I hope I never hear them again.

 

 

[donate count=2 type=default]

6 thoughts on “I Didn’t Fuckin’ Choose This! (Dating)

    • Please let me know if you’re looking for a auhtor for your weblog. You have some really great posts and I believe I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d absolutely love to write some content for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine. Please blast me an email if interested. Cheers!

  1. aww thats not nice Sarah as you are indeed a person with needs and emotions just like everyone else and you should be treated with respect and equality as every woman should be

  2. That guy is a waste of space, what an idiot. You're well rid.
    I'm sorry that chatting to him promised such a lot more than he could ever live up to.
    I'm sorry that you had to run into someone like that and I hope you can put him out of your mind and assign him what he deserves: forgetableness (if that's a word).
    You don't want to be around people who think they can use you to 'explore' things. The people who are worth being around are the ones who know what it takes to respect others and who want to genuinely see if there is a connection and a liking present. Apply the highest of standards to the people you surround yourself with because you deserve to know genuine people.
    I hope you'll forget this idiot and will have a great time celebrating your birthday!
    All the best!

  3. Some people suck! You’re a fantastic person though, I watched your documentary and was instantly drawn to you, if you’re half as lovely as you seemed on the show that guy was missing out on a gem of a girl 🙂 don’t let fucked people get you down x

  4. I’ve had many people interested in me because i have one, and they expect to suck it blah blah blah.. i’m not interested!!

    Three-somes with a woman, blah blah more blah blah the only guy that was genuinely interested in me was some straight guy who thought i was a genetic female on Facebook (i pass quite well even though i don’t take hormones)

    Just be happy in yourself and live a happy life with friends thats the number one thing. If you find someone thats a bonus but never let anyone take over your life its not worth the bother.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *