Kissmas Blog!

Coming up to Christmas and it’s been a very long time since I’ve updated this blog, I decided to take a step back for a while and then the server company exploded so I lost all the blogs I’d written.


This past 12 months have been the most extraordinary of my life, the ups have been so high I’ve found myself looking back in disbelief at the wonderful things that have happened. The lows have sunk to new depths though, I’ve spent 9 arduous months in a Women’s Refuge, due to a previous relationship. November last year I was homeless, my private life was in turmoil and at the same time my face was being broadcast to millions. I was incredibly torn between watching my personal life falling to bits in front of my eyes, yet at the same time thrust in to the public eye. If it wasn’t for the incredible support I received from Rise, the charity that run some Refuges in Brighton, this year may well have turned out very different. I couldn’t tell people that I even lived in a Refuge, couldn’t have visitors and I found this very difficult to cope with. If you have a spare pound or two, please donate to Rise as they have helped me no end.


There were huge positives for me from that experience though, last Christmas day the lovely woman across the hall from my flat brought me a big dinner over, one lady having her baby was another memory I’ll not forget. Learning to live within the rules of my accommodation was something new to me and it gave me structure I’d never really had in my life before. Things aren’t going well with my family either, my staunchly religious sisters, brother and dad have all disowned me, the only contact with my mum is hushed phone calls when she manages to sneak some time alone. But, as I’m discovering with pleasure, life isn’t about living to my families wishes, it’s about being true to myself, holding dear relationships I have with friends and pursuing happiness. It’s all anyone can do, I guess.


I’ve learnt so much over the last 12 months too, patience is the most important lesson, after feeling like my life was on hold, left in limbo with my housing situation and waiting for the NHS Gender Clinic to catch up with my transition, things finally started to move in the right direction towards the end of the year. I now live in a wonderful flat right next to the sea and as of last week, the Gender Clinic approved me to start testosterone blockers and oestrogen, the best Christmas present I could have ever hoped for. I’m slowly building a life here that I can truly be happy and proud of, bit by bit it’s all coming together. Never losing sight of my goal of transitioning successfully has helped me too, it’s been the driving force behind almost everything I’ve done in the past 18 months


I’m honestly still not sure how I feel about opening up my life to television cameras, some days I’m overwhelmed by the positive effect it’s had on my life and people I’ve never met getting in contact to tell me how our documentary has changed their lives. Other days I just want it to all go away so I can get back to living my life how I used to, quietly with close friends. But then again, some people I now consider close friends I’d have never met without that TV experience. On the whole though, it was a very positive experience I’ll never regret the choices I made, having a voice that people actually listened to was a completely new thing for me.


2013 will be another amazing year for me, I have no idea what I have planned but I kinda like it that way…


Merry Kissmas and a happy new year to everybody! 🙂




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6 thoughts on “Kissmas Blog!

  1. I’m just about to have a family free Christmas… long sad story… about to (in a minute) drive to stay at a backpackers next to the ocean (Here in Australia)
    I have chatted a bit with you (ijnskybird) on twitter.. wishing you a lovely safe kissmass … love from Mel 🙂

  2. “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” Kubler-ross

    Have a great Xmas, it’s nice to hear the gender clinic have caught up

    • Hi Mary, I woke up this morning and had nothing to to but play on my computer. I am loving it!!!These look like cream puffs in a way but I know they are not at all like them. The cream filled gem is calling my name. I love the history about them too. One of the best part of your blog is to read the history of your recipes.My shoulder MRI appt. was canceled. Snow, snow, snow! It does look beautiful though. All sparkly and fresh.Have a great day.Hugs, Jeanne

  3. Your family don’t know what they’re missing. And I know this because my family rejected my daughter on transition. She is now a wonderful woman that I feel am privileged to know, and they have never even met her. A great loss for them. Yes it still hurts occasionally & especially at this time of year but it does get easier, and you know you are doing the right thing becoming your true self. Good luck with it all my luv, hang on in there & hope next year is brill!

    PS Have u seen Bridget Gaudette’s blogs? Her JW family also rejected her.

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