So…. First ever attempt at a blog or even some kind of diary thingy… We’ll see if this thing lasts… I guess I want to record some of the random things I seem to get up to because life is going past so fast recently…
First Things First.
I’ve lived in Jersey, UK for all my life, apart from a few summers in Ibiza and France but always knew deep down I had the wrong body for my internal gender. It caused me to fuck up a lot. I hurt people i loved and hurt myself. So I decided enough was enough. I was going to tackle this gender problem head on. If I was ever to get on in my life and actually be happy then I have to sort this out. Now.
So I packed all my belongings in the world into my cavernous volvo and set off on the boat to Weymouth, UK with about £5 in my pocket and a bucket load of hope. It doesn’t sound like it never seemed like a big step to me, more like the next, natural step in my life. I’d just have to figure out things out along the way.
I had met a guy, M, who said I could stay with him in his spare room, and pay rent as and when I could afford it, which was lucky because without that offer I would be living in my car… Not good for a glamorous girl like myself… So here I am in Swansea, new to living as female, having thrown all my male clothes away, I know nobody here apart from M, I have no job and very little money but even this is better than living my life as a lie.
The great thing about staying with M though, is that every weekend he goes out to different clubs, nights and events all over the country so I get to meet loads of cool people and do lots of cool things.
Sparkle, Manchester, UK
The first weekend after arriving in Wales we went to http://www.sparkle.org.uk/ which is an annual transgender pride sort of event. It’s held in and around Manchester’s Canal Street and gay village area and theres nights out, workshops and a big party in the park on the Saturday.
First night there we went to a cool club called V Bar or something, just on Canal street and met with Aerie, Sophie and a few friends from Devon too. It’s kinda hard to describe the feelings I had as the night wore on, within a week I’d gone from living on an island 9 miles by 5 where there was only one gay bar and I was the only TGirl who wasn’t scared of going out clubbing to a metropolis in England surrounded by literally thousands of other TGirls, partners admirers and any other poor bugger that happened to be in Canal street that weekend. I think I was out smoking a cigarette when it dawned on me how amazing my life suddenly seemed, I was surrounded by all these people and none of them batted an eyelid at me, there I was in my slinky polkadot dress and stupidly high heels and nobody gave me a second look…
Now I’m not sure if I should have been annoyed that i wasn’t getting appreciative glances left right and centre and I don’t know if it was the vodka lemonade I was drinking but I felt something strange, a liberating, freeing feeling, within a couple of hours of going out I was chatting to random strangers and walking up to random people and introducing myself. I’d never been like that before, always been the quiet one. It really felt like am epiphany moment, I could for the first time start living my life how I wanted it and not have to hide myself ever.
The next night was even better, during the day I went to a workshop on surgery and saw the fête type thing in the park on Canal Street I met up with the lovely Wendy and a couple of her friends and had some food and headed back to the hotel and got ready for the night out.
This night I went for it, there was nothing holding me back I went off on my own and found a rock club! Now I love rock and metal, the amusingly named Satans Hollow had a big dance floor in the middle and a massive grinning devil above the DJ booth and to my surprise there was about 30 TGirls and friends mingling with the straight crowd. I was in heaven! My only slight niggle about the whole club scene was the crappy music everywhere seemed to play and here was a place that played the music I love.
I maybe got a bit too drunk but I had the most amazing night, I danced!! I’ve not danced in a club in years and had never danced while all dressed up in heels before, I probably looked a right state but I didn’t care, I had never felt so free before.